


grand pas d'action

by onlyinafigurativesense



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anorexia, Body Dysphoria, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Humanstuck, M/M, Pocstuck, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-03-08 15:06:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3213611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyinafigurativesense/pseuds/onlyinafigurativesense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"If you're interested, I can send you a link to the blog. It's very detailed."</p><p>As much as you hate yourself for it, you take the bait.</p><p>"Alright, fine. I'll check it out," you say nonchalantly. "Been thinkin' about maybe slimming down a little."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. changement

**Author's Note:**

> TW for eating disorders, dysphoria, etc  
> Also thinspo blogging (( >:[ )) and maybe in later chapters references to self harm ((double >:[ ))  
> ((which I guess means I should have typed >:[ >:[ or >:[[ ))

High school, for the most part, sucks ass. You can't skip class, because your brother would kick your ass if he found out, and besides, there's nowhere good to go even if you did. You've learned to survive as best you can on the time you have when you're not dealing with shitty teachers. Like lunch.

Lunch is good, because lunch isn't class and you can talk as much as you want. Plus, you get to pick through whatever fancy French shit Lalonde brings to eat- her mom has a caterer do all their food, or something, so it's always good and usually there's something chocolate.

If you weren't so dead-set on appearing apathetic, you'd even say you looked forward to it.

You're sprawled across one of the outdoor picnic tables waiting for her when she finds you, carrying a lavender lunchbox you know is filled with compartments containing some pseudo-European delicacy for you to pilfer. You sit up, swinging so your feet rest on the bench below you and resting your elbows on your knees.

Rose, ever proper, arranges herself accordingly before opening her lunchbox.

You're more than a little disappointed.

Where normally there'd be pastries or stew or still-warm bread, there's an assortment of raw vegetables delicately placed into their allotted compartments.

It offends you even looking at it.

"I've started a new diet," she says, noticing your expression. "Mother said I was looking thin, so."

You flick the side of her plastic bento (or whatever the fuck it is) and scowl. "So you're, what? Not eating?"

She sniffs disdainfully, scooting the box in front of her and plucking a cherry tomato out, holding it between her perfectly manicured fingernails and inspecting it. She frowns. "No, I'm just eating less."

You shake your head. "Right, makes perfect sense."

Rose raises an immaculately plucked eyebrow, looking you up an down. "If you're interested, I can send you a link to the blog. It's very detailed."

She pops the tomato into her mouth, chewing and swallowing.

There's a challenge in her voice and as much as you hate yourself for it, you take the bait.

"Alright, fine. I'll check it out," you say nonchalantly. "Been thinkin' about maybe slimming down a little."

That was a lie. You've been meaning to bulk up, at least in your shoulders, try to balance out your wide hips.  
You're not really sure why you said that.

She gives you an approving look, tearing off the corner of her napkin and writing down a url in sloping purple cursive, passing it to you. You stuff it in your pocket without even looking at it and she purses her lips.

"Food," you demand, and she hands you a baby carrot. You frown and she rolls her eyes.

"Childish," she scolds.

You don't care.  
  
  
She's right about the detail, you'll give her that. The mod's about page goes on for-fucking-ever, and you're pretty sure her goal is to answer each ask with a novel focusing on her own achievements. Even the captions she puts on the over-filtered photos of her salads are at least a paragraph.

Her reblogs consist mostly of pictures of people who are everything you're not. As you scroll through her first page you run through a checklist for each photo.

Skinny? Yep. White? Like paper. Femme? Always. Cis? Of course.

It goes on like that for a while before you come to a picture of a pretty Asian girl, whose thick tummy and wide hips stand out in a sea of thigh gaps. She's pushing her long bangs out of her face with one hand, the other holding up her camera phone so she can take a picture of her mirror.

Her panties have little skulls on them.

You're distracted from her smile and tits and legs by the comments below the picture, bright blue text standing out in garish contrast to the dark background of the blog.

"day 0ne! h0ping t0 dr0p tw0 sizes bef0re swimsuit seas0n 0u0"

You frown, because you don't think she needs to drop any. Then again, it's her body, not yours. You glance back at the comments.

" **@ the-handmaids-tale**: oh sweetie, h8 to 8reak it to you 8ut you need to lose a lot more than two! 8ut I guess we all start somewhere ::::\"

You turn away from your laptop, feeling sick to your stomach. You palm your phone, debating, then shoot Rose a text.  
  
 **TG** : yo this chick seems like a total bitch rose idk why youd follow her advice  
  
It takes her a second to respond, and when she does you're a little surprised at how readily she agrees with you.  
  
 **TT** : Yes, although I'm sure she'd prefer 'Miss 8itch'.  
 **TT** : Her methods work, though, as I'm sure you've seen from her own photos.  
 **TG** : didnt make it that far, i got kinda turned off before i decided to check her selfie tag, yknow  
 **TT:** Understandably. She is a bit... Distasteful when it comes to beginning dieters.  
 **TT:** That being said, I don't think it makes her any less of a valid source.  
  
You frown again, wrinkling your nose.  
  
 **TG:** yeah, right  
 **TG:** listen ill hit you up later bro needs me  
 **TT:** Of course.  
  
She knows you're lying, she always does, but she lets it go for the time being.

You'd be thankful if you weren't worried she'd hold it over you later.

You set your phone on the desk, deciding to at least check the girl's selfie tag before you condemn her as a complete and total bitch.

Rose was right.

She's stick-thin, to the point you're surprised her legs even hold her up. The baggy flannel over-shirts she seems to favor do nothing to hide the fact that she's dangerously underweight.

You decide to text Rose again.  
  
 **TG** : work?  
 **TT** : Hm?  
 **TT** : Have you finished with your brother already?  
 **TG** : yeah he was fine after all  
 **TG** : listen i dont think you should be following her bullshit diet tips  
 **TG** : shes a fucking poster girl for bulimia or whatever its fucking gross  
  
You wait anxiously as Rose types a response, deletes it, and starts again.  
  
 **TT** : I thought you'd like her.  
  
You feel your face twist in disgust.  
  
 **TG** : why the fuck would i  
 **TG** : shes awful  
 **TT** : Did you read her 'About'?  
 **TG** : not really i kinda skimmed it though  
 **TT** : Go look at it again. First paragraph, third line, specifically.  
  
You huff, swiveling around in your chair to do as you're told. You scan the first few lines of text, unimpressed by the girl's intro. There's nothing new or important or- oh.  
  
 **TG** : so shes trans too why does that matter to me  
 **TT** : I just thought you'd appreciate how well her transition seems to be going.  
 **TT** : She's very beautiful.  
 **TG** : she looks like shes dying  
  
You wince, the words looking a lot harsher on a screen than they sounded in your head.  
  
 **TG** : look just  
 **TG** : be careful okay  
 **TT** : When have you known me to be anything but cautious?  
  
You can hear the smile in her words and it sets you at ease, at least for a moment, because she's teasing which means this isn't something you need to worry about.  
  
 **TG** : youve got me there lalonde youre a practically a paragon of needless anxiety when it comes to potentially dangerous health fads  
 **TG** : for serious though  
 **TG** : dont do anything over the top just to piss off your mom  
 **TT** : Oh, I wouldn't dare.  
 **TT** : You needn't fret, Dave, I'll be fine.  
  
You frown.  
  
 **TG** : you better be  
  
She sends you a "<3" and you scrunch your face in mock disgust before remembering she can't actually see you and feeling a little ridiculous.

You turn back to your computer, fully intending to close out of the-spindly-spinneret's blog and never go back to it again.

Except, Rose was right. This girl looks so cis she had _you_  fooled, and-

You blanch, catching yourself before you can finish the thought.

 _She's not 'fooling' anyone_ , you remind yourself, and you can hear Jade's voice chime in the back of your mind. " _Looking cis doesn't make your identity any more or less valid!"_

You glance down at yourself, at the thickness of your hips and thighs that sets you apart from other boys. You poke at your stomach, discomfort running through you.

You open up pesterchum.  
  
 **TG** : yo jade i got a question  
  
Her response is almost immediate, and you can feel yourself relax as you watch her bright green text fly across the screen.  
  
 **GG** : hi dave!!! whats up?  
  
You sigh, pushing your glasses up onto your head and rubbing your eyes.  
  
 **TG** : alright real talk  
 **TG** : do i like  
 **TG** : pass well  
 **TG** : and dont give me that "passing is a social construct set up by cishets" bullfuckery because im asking you  
 **TG** : queer to queer  
 **TG** : i look like a dude, right?  
 **GG** : dave!!! of course you do!  
 **GG** : youre the most gross boyish dude i know :)  
 **TG** : okay yeah but i mean looks-wise  
 **GG** : you look like the manliest man ever. pinky swear!  
 **TG** : right  
 **GG** : dave, is everything okay?  
 **TG** : yeah shits all fine  
 **TG** : just thinking maybe i might try and lose some weight around my hips you know  
 **GG** : >:/  
 **GG** : dave, you dont need to lose weight to look like a boy!  
 **TG** : yeah yeah i know im just  
 **TG** : itll make buying pants easier is all  
 **GG** : hmmmmm...  
 **GG** : as long as youre doing it for you and youre careful about it, then go for it, i guess! but you know you can tell me if theres more going on, right?  
 **TG** : of course  
 **TG** : you know youre my main gal when it comes to shit like this  
 **GG** : im your main gal for everything! >:)  
 **TG** : damn straight girl u my main side ho  
 **GG** : hell yeah >:))))  
 **TG** : hell yeah B)  
  
You catch yourself smiling at the screen.  
  
 **TG** : yo jade?  
 **TG** : thanks  
 **GG** : its totally fine, dave! besides, what are friends for?  
 **TG** : yeah but still  
 **TG** : thanks  
 **TG** : i needed that  
 **GG** : :P  
 **GG** : ill always be here if you need me!  
 **TG** : i know  
 **GG** : <3  
 **TG** : gay  
 **TG** : <3


	2. Piqué

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You don't get what he's being so defensive about- his hair looks like he cut it himself and his clothes don't exactly fit, it's not like he puts that much stock in his appearance anyway, and they're just earrings, who cares if his mom made him-_  
>  Suddenly, it all clicks.

You can't stop looking at her blog.

 

You keep the tab open in the background of everything else you do, occasionally taking a break from mixing or homework to scroll through her 'insp' tag, simultaneously awed and horrified by the bodies of the girls she idolizes.

 

You find out her name is Vriska, she's a bisexual Scorpio who's legally blind in her left eye and has a soft spot for boys with strong upper bodies.

 

You start sharing lunch with Rose again. She goes out of her way to make sure you end up with more food than her, but you're not going to let her beat you that easily; you eat the carrots and celery but break everything else into pieces and feed it to the crows.

 

You make a habit of skipping breakfast in favor of checking Spinneret's blog, getting to school early so you can fuck around with Rose and her girlfriend. You can't do anything about class, of course, but that's okay because Pyrope sits in front of you in second period.

 

You spend the majority of it flicking pieces of paper at the back of her head and feigning innocence when she turns around.

 

You're walking her to her third period, teasing, pulling, flirting, when she grabs your arm.

 

"What?"

 

She nods in the direction of the senior patio, raising one of her thick eyebrows.

 

You turn and are surprised to see that not only have Rose and Kanaya beaten you to the lunch table, but there's someone in your seat.

 

"What the fuck," you deadpan.

 

Terezi grins wickedly.  
"If they need another seat, my face is open," she says, and you grimace.

 

"Gross, TZ, you ain't even met the kid," you say, shoving her.

 

She shoves you back. "Doesn't matter, they're cute. Not as cute as _you_ , coolkid, but you're on another level."

 

She waggles her eyebrows at you before turning on her heel. She throws you a glance over her shoulder. "Get me a phone number!" she calls, cackling.

 

You roll your eyes, shoving your hands in your pockets and slinking over to your table. You glare at the back of the kid's head.

 

"You're in my seat."

 

Kanaya and Rose both look up, but the dark haired piece of shit invading your space doesn't bother.

 

You loom over them, putting on your best 'intimidating senior kid' act. "Yo, asshole, I'm talking to you."

 

Kanaya opens her mouth but Rose shushes her, giving her a pointed look.

 

The kid finally looks up, warm brown eyes locking with yours.

 

"What the fuck did you just say to me?"

 

You blink. The kid literally snarls at you, and you look to Rose and Kanaya for an explanation.

 

Rose shrugs. Kanaya pinches the bridge of her nose.

 

"Dave, this is my cousin Karkat. He just transferred here from Bellemonte," she says. "I thought he could sit with you and Rose so he can make _new friends_."

 

She flashes you a threatening smile, and you purse your lips.

 

"Well he's doing a damn fine job of it on his own, obviously, I don't see why he needs our help," you say, and he- Karkat- looks up at you, fuming.

 

"I don't need your help, you insufferable douche, and I don't want to be your friend. Now, kindly fuck off."

He goes back to his sandwich, tearing into it like it’s gonna sprout legs and run if he doesn't eat it fast enough. Kanaya sets her jaw, placing a gentle hand on Karkat's shoulder.

 

"Karkat, dear, I assure you, Dave is-"

 

"I don't care if he's a fucking god, I don't want to talk to him," he says, mouth full. He pauses, swallowing before turning to look up at her. "He's _blonde_."

 

You bristle. "The fuck's your issue with my hair, rat's nest?" you ask, tugging gently at a coarse lock of his hair, which looks like he cut it himself with safety scissors. He smacks your hand, growling.

"Don't touch me, you disgusting piece of trash," he says, and Kanaya frowns.

 

"Karkat," she says sternly, and he turns, scowling.

 

"What?"

 

"I expect you to treat him with a little more decency than-" she starts, but he cuts her off, scoffing.

 

"Decency? He hasn't shown me any!" He glares at you. "Didn't even fucking introduce himself, no, just decided to come up and kick me out of a seat that belongs to no one, since it's a communal area, he's got no claim to-"

 

"Whoa, calm down there Karl Marx, chill," you say, holding your hands up in surrender. "You can sit there, it's fine."

 

He squints at you, frowning.

 

You sigh, holding out your hand to him. "I'm Dave."

 

His eyes flick down to your hand, then back to your face. "M'Karkat," he mumbles, turning back to his sandwich.

 

You look to Kanaya for help, and she gives you a sympathetic look before taking the seat next to her cousin.

You sit down next to Rose, across from Asshole McAnger-Management-Issues. He shoots you a suspicious glance, shifting closer to Kanaya like a toddler hiding behind their mother.

Sitting next to each other you can see the resemblance- they've got the same slender neck and hooked nose, though his is broader than hers, complimenting his full lips. Their coloration is almost identical; jet black hair and olive skin, heavy under eye circles and full, dark lashes.

He's warmer than her, though, and where she's tall and thin and willowy he's tiny and round and soft, bundled up in more layers than any sane person dare wear this early in the autumn.

 

You suddenly realize that they're all watching you watch him, and you clear your throat.

"Are uh. Are your ears pierced?"

 

He frowns at his sandwich. "Mom made me," he mumbles.

 

You quirk an eyebrow at him and are about to push it when Rose coughs, kicking you under the table.

 

"Ow, fuck, what?" you hiss, and she widens her eyes, subtly inclining her head towards Karkat, who's picking through Kanaya's tikka masala dejectedly (her hot sister makes it, it's fucking delicious, why does he look more upset than earlier, they're just earrings, he-)

 

Suddenly, it all clicks.

 

You reach across the table, bumping his knuckles with yours. "I uh. I got mine done at Claire's when I was like, nine."

 

He freezes, his eyes flicking up to meet yours. "What?"

 

"I mean, I stretched 'em since then, but before I came out I was all about dangly-ass earrings and shit."

 

"Came out, you- you mean," he falters, staring at you. "You're-"

 

You nod, tugging the collar of your shirt to the side so he can see the strap of your binder. "Yep."

 

There's a second where it seems like he can't decide if he wants to raise or lower his eyebrows before he settles back into the scowl he seems to prefer, nodding. "Me too."

 

You whistle. "Damn, Rose, we gotta find us a token straight friend, everyone we know is queer as hell."

 

She snorts, opening up her own lunch and pushing it so you can share. "John doesn't count?"

 

You shake your head. "John don't count."

 

Kanaya nudges Rose's elbow, and Rose reaches across the table, brushing her hand over Karkat's arm. "Karkat, darling, what were you saying your next class was?"

 

"I- I wasn't, I-" He blinks, opening his mouth and then shutting it. "English." 

 

"I've got English next," you say around a mouthful of apple. "Who've you got?"

 

He fumbles with his bag, pulling out a crumpled schedule and flattening it out. "Uh, Scratch, I think. Yeah."

 

You nod. "Sick, we've got class together, then. Doc's cool. Talks a lot, but he's a decent teacher."

 

Karkat flushes, nodding. "Cool," he says.

 

"You ever need help in that class I'm your guy," you say, and he bridles.

 

"I can speak English, thanks," he spits."I'm pretty well-fucking-versed in basic grammar and shit. In fact, I probably read more in a week than you do over the span of an entire fucking semester."

 

You shrug. "Maybe you'll have to tutor me, then," you say, winking.

 

He flushes pink all the way down to the collar of his turtleneck. You grin, flicking the cuff of his sleeve. "Red's a good color on you, Vantas."

 

He scowls, smacking your hand, but you catch the corner of his mouth quirking up and give yourself a mental high five.

 

The bell rings and he jumps. You stand, bumping him with your hip as you pass by him.

"C'mon. I'll how you where the room is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took  
> forever to post i'm srry


	3. Faille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You think you might be in love with him._
> 
> _You tell Terezi and she laughs and says, "I know."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIED ABOUT BEING CONSISTENT  
> 2X CHAPTER UPDATE COMBO

You walk him to class and manage to convince him to sit with you, despite his loud and colorful insistence that he'd rather sit as far from you as possible, thanks but no thanks, you're an asshole, he doesn't know why Kanaya likes you, but he sets his bag down and settles into the desk next to yours.

  
He sinks as far down in his seat as possible without actually falling off of it, slumping and scowling and snorting derisively when the Doc mispronounces his last name. He corrects him in a rough staccato, his voice contrasting the gently assuring tone Doc manages to keep even when he's pissed.  


You figure out pretty quickly that Karkat sounds pissed even when he's not. He's a really vocal kid, speaking up during every class discussion and arguing his point regardless of whether or not people disagree with him (they usually don't, and those who do are almost always wrong). He actually does end up helping you in the class, and, surprisingly, letting you help him; he's better at coming up with ideas and you're better at phrasing them, at least for a classroom setting.  


He's loud and obnoxious and grating and you think you might be in love with him.  


You tell Terezi and she laughs and says, "I know."  


You frown. "You know?"  


She rolls her eyes. "Dave, you haven't talked about anything _but_ Karkat for weeks. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were already dating on the sly," she says, giving you a sidelong glance. "If you were, you'd tell me, wouldn't you?"  


She quirks an eyebrow and you scoff, shaking your head.  


"We aren't," you assure her, and she sticks her lower lip out.  


"Damn," she says. "I wanted to know if he was a screamer."  


Your face heats. "What the fuck, TZ, I'm not fucking him."  


She snorts. "Ugh, I can practically _smell_ the disgusting human boy pheromones you're giving off," she says, sniffing at you. "Don't lie to me, Strider, you know I'm no fool. Have you at least kissed him?"  


You shake your head, feeling yourself blush.  


She sighs, patting your hand sympathetically.  
"You poor fool," she says.  


"What?" you ask, pulling your hand out of her grasp. "I can't just..."  
You wave your hand, gesturing vaguely.  


She groans. "Touch his butt, Dave! Let him touch yours! It's that simple!"  


"No it's not, he's-" you struggle to articulate what you mean to say, wrestling with your phrasing and coming up empty.  


She rolls her eyes again. "He's hot, Dave. And you know it!"  
She punctuates each word with a sharp jab to your upper arm, her pointed nails digging into your skin.  
"Just tell him how you feel!"  


You scoff, pushing her hand away. "Wow, thanks for the advice, boy-meets-world, I'll be sure to come to you first for all my romantic inquiries from now on."  
  
Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you feel your face heat, recognizing the text alert.  


Terezi's mouth falls open. "Oh my god. You set a custom text tone for him?"  


"N-no!" you protest, but she snatches your phone out of your hand, reading the text aloud on a surprisingly decent impersonation of Karkat.  


"'Hey douchenozzle'- aw, he's got a pet name for you- 'we need to hook up this weekend, your place or mine..?'"  


She gives you a scandalized look and you snatch your phone back from her, blushing brightly. "We've got an English project, you freak, he's talking about homework!"  


"Suuuure he is, Dave. Do you think you'll get to sleep over? I wonder what his parents are like. Do you think they're supportive?"  


It suddenly occurs to you that you don't know, having never met his parents before, or even really talked to him about them. You hesitate, then shoot him a text in response, hoping he catches your drift.  


**TG** : my place, bros chill and i can guarantee my music library is better than yours  


His response is almost immediate, and you can't help but smile at your screen.  


**CG** : FUCK YOU, MY TASTE IN MUSIC IS INFINITELY BETTER THAN YOURS ON A BAD DAY. YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ANGEL HAZE BEFORE I SHOWED UP.  
**CG** : YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME, ASSHOLE.  


You shake your head, typing rapidly.  


**TG** : yeah yeah whatever thanks i guess  
**TG** : you wanna sleep over or nah?  


You bite the inside of your cheek, waiting for his reply and trying to ignore Terezi's presence as she leans over your shoulder, watching the conversation unfold.  


**CG** : YEAH, SURE.  


You let out a breath you didn't realize you'd been holding and hear Terezi do the same. You glance at each other and she bursts into cacophonous laughter, smacking your shoulder.  
  
"He so wants it!" she exclaims gleefully, rocking in her seat.  


You stick your tongue out at her, going back to your phone.  


**TG** : cool. we can take the bus on friday if you want.  
**CG** : SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.  
**TG** : sweet  
**TG** : bring a toothbrush, i aint letting you use mine  
**CG** : AS IF I'D WANT TO USE YOUR DISGUSTING CONTAMINATED TOOTHBRUSH ANYWAY. DO I NEED A SLEEPING BAG?  
**TG** : nah my beds pretty big im sure well both fit  
**CG** : IF YOU KICK ME I WILL MAKE YOU SLEEP ON THE FLOOR.  
**TG** : you can try but we both know whod win that battle homeslice  
**CG** : YEAH, ME. I HAVE TO GO, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, OKAY?  
**TG** : aight

  
You slide your phone back into your pocket, ignoring Terezi's protests.  
  
"I wasn't done reading!" she whines, and you shrug.  


"If you can't keep up you can't keep up," you say. "You'll get no sympathy from me."  


She sticks her tongue out at you, but you barely notice, too caught up in your own thoughts.  


Karkat is coming over. To _your_ apartment. He's gonna sleep _in your bed._  
In your bed, with _you_.  


You need to clean your room.


	4. Plié

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TG: what kind of a thing is it, then?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long QAQ  
> It's hard to write this sometimes

You're dumping an armful of dirty laundry into your hamper when you feel someone staring you down. You turn on your heel to see Bro leaning against your doorframe with his arms crossed, watching you pick up.

"What?" you ask him, dropping the clothes into your laundry basket.

He nods at the now-visible floor and the stack of clean bedsheets you've got folded up on your bare mattress. "Who's all this for again?" he asks.

You roll your eyes, moving to make your bed. "Karkat, Bro, we've been over this. Like, three times."

He continues watching you, not bothering to help as you struggle to put the sheets on your bed. You manage to get three of the four corners situated before he speaks again. "She your girlfriend or somethin'? You fuckin' her?"

You splutter, your sheets somehow managing to spring free of all but one corner of your bed.

"No!" you protest, your voice cracking. "And he's a boy, anyway, Jesus."

He snorts. "Boyfriend, then," he amends. "Damn, kid, are all your friends queer?"

You shoot him a glare, fixing your sheets. "You're one to talk, Mr The-Only-Girl-I-Fucked-Turned-Out-To-Be-A-Lesbian."

He rubs the back of his neck, and you give yourself a point towards your imaginary score against him. "She ain't a lesbian, she's- I dunno, Rox ain't the type of gal to really pick and choose," he says. "'Sides, she ain't the only girl. There was one-"

You press your hands over your ears, cutting him off. "Dude, I don't wanna know that shit," you say. "Now- get outta my room, go work on porn or somethin', I got stuff to do."

The corner of his mouth twitches, but he puts his hands up in mock-surrender.

"Alright, alright, you want your space, I get you. Just-"

He pauses, his mouth twisting. "This boy, he know about- you know, all your shit?"

He looks genuinely worried and your heart does this weird thing you're not really sure you like. You nod, though, and he relaxes.

"Yeah," you say. "He's- Karkat's cool. He gets it."

You hesitate before deciding to leave it at that; if Karkat wants Bro to know, he can tell him. It's not your place.

Bro gives you a short nod, straightening up.

"A'ight," he says. "Let me know if he tries to pull some shit. I'll-"

"Kick his ass, yeah, I know," you finish, smiling. "It's cool, Bro, he's good. And-"

Bro raises an eyebrow and you shrug.

"I really like him," you confess. "He's- I dunno."

You catch yourself smiling and blush, coughing in a piss-poor attempt at covering both up.

"You'll uh. You'll get to meet him, so I guess you can see for yourself," you say. You shoot him a pleading look. "Don't freak him out too much, okay?"

He winks at you.

"Got it," he says, giving you a genuine smile. You return it, ducking your head before shit gets too lovey-dovey and familial.

You... Kind of succeed. When you look up he's still standing there, expression unreadable.

"What?" you ask, and he shrugs, shifting.

"I'unno. I'm just. Proud of you, I guess. You're a good kid."

You blink. "I- thanks. You're a good... Adult? Uh," you falter and he laughs, stepping forward. He's halfway across the room and tousling your hair before you can defend yourself.

You screech, shoving his hands away. "Bro!" you shriek, but he's gone, already absconding down the hallway.

 

You find an unopened box of condoms on the counter the next morning. You shake your head, picking them up, and find a note tucked underneath. You flip it over, reading the short message.

"<3"

You scowl, but... You take the condoms to your room anyway, just in case. Not because of Karkat or anything. You're not planning on fucking him, and even if you were, you don't really think you need condoms for that.

No dicks= no condoms, right?

You... should probably ask Jade about that. She usually knows this shit. You make a mental note to text her later.

It's not like you need to know any time soon, anyway, since, as previously stated, you're not getting laid any time soon, especially by Karkat. And uh. He's not getting laid by you either, in case that wasn't clear.

You shake your head, tossing the condoms on top of your dresser and sinking into your desk chair. You open your laptop, running a hand through your hair as it boots up, trying not to imagine what fucking Karkat would be like.

You're pretty sure it wouldn't be anything like porn. There'd be more... Looking at each other, you think, and less high-pitched moaning. Karkat doesn't strike you as a high-pitched moaner. If anything, he's probably kind of quiet in bed, all soft and panting and flushed pink skin that kind of glows because you think sex is maybe sweaty a little bit, since it's physical activity, plus there's way too much mention of sweat-slick bodies in fanfiction for there not to be... Well, sweat-slick bodies.

You wonder if his bangs would stick to his forehead like they do after he comes out of gym class, and what it would be like to push them back and stare into his eyes while you- Your computer beeps.

Karkat's Pesterchum icon is blinking and you flush, glad he derailed that train of thought before it left the station.

Well you. You think you're glad.

It's not like you aren't fully aware of exactly what was coming next. You've spent way too many nights imagining all kinds of gay shit the two of you could get up to- not to mention daydreaming about it during class, and on the bus ride, and during breakfast, and. Well. Always, pretty much.

You don't really have an excuse for it any more. It's... Gotten a little excessive.

You turn your attention back to the screen, opening up your chat log with him.

 

CG: DAVE.

CG: ...

CG: ANSWER ME YOU GAY PIECE OF SHIT.

CG: SERIOUSLY IT'S BEEN AT LEAST TEN YEARS HURRY THE FUCK UP.

TG: dude chill i was busy

CG: WHAT THE HELL COULD YOU HAVE BEEN DOING OTHER THAN ME THAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT?

CG: WAIT SHIT THAT

CG: THAT'S NOT HOW I MEANT TO PHRASE THAT.

CG: WHATEVER, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.

TG: i dunno kitkat

TG: do i really

CG: YES YOU DAMN WELL DO YOU SMUG SHITHEAD NOW JUST

CG: UGH, FUCK YOU.

TG: time and place babe

TG: B)

TG: you cant tell but im totally winking under my shades

CG: DAVE.

TG: what bae

CG: I HATE YOU.

TG: rad

TG: anyway what did you need

TG: you seemed pretty excited about talking to me

TG: i mean more than usual that is considering talkin to me at all is worth getting excited over

CG: SHUT UP.

CG: I JUST. YOUR BROTHER IS COOL, RIGHT? ABOUT US?

TG: us?

CG: YEAH, US. OUR THING.

TG: i uh

TG: didnt know we had a thing

CG: DAVE, DON'T BE OBTUSE. OF COURSE WE DO. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IT'S BLATANTLY OBVIOUS, AT LEAST ON MY PART.

TG: uh

TG: is it?

TG: because you had me fooled

TG: i mean obviously i was like

TG: hoping

TG: but

CG: WHAT?

CG: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.

TG: no like

TG: dude listen

TG: we got a lot in common and like

TG: youre really rad

TG: so of course i was kinda quietly gunning for you to like

TG: reciprocate

CG: RECIPROCATE TRANSNESS.

TG: yeah, cause

TG: wait what

CG: WHAT WHAT.

TG: no shut up i whatted you first

CG: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

TG: you

TG: ohhhhhh

TG: okay i get it now we cool

TG: yeah bros like

TG: the chillest

TG: aint no thang to him

CG: I. CG: I'M NOT SURE WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE.

TG: nothin dude just a quick misunderstanding that i glossed over like the smooth motherfucker i am

TG: look at that shit

TG: looks like some freshly zambonied ice

TG: you could pull a triple axel on that no sweat

TG: just call me the ice princess yo

CG: OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

TG: dude

TG: are you implying that youve never seen the modern masterpiece of cinema that is disneys ice princess

CG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE SEEN THAT?

TG: uh

TG: only cause its like the best live action disney movie ever

TG: damn i know what were watching tomorrow night

TG: speaking of whats your fave movie candy ill get bro to pick some up

CG: WHAT? NO, IT'S FINE. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO.

TG: dude chillax hes gotta get mine anyway

CG: UH. I DON'T KNOW, JUNIOR MINTS? DO THEY EVEN STILL SELL THOSE?

TG: they sure do

TG: alright cool were all set for tomorrow then

CG: WE ARE?

TG: yep got our movies and candy on lock sleeping situation aint an issue

TG: id call that all set

CG: WHAT ABOUT THE PROJECT?

TG: what about it

CG: DONT WE NEED TO WORK ON THAT?

TG: oh

TG: i mean we can if you want

TG: i wasnt really planning to

CG: I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF ME SLEEPING OVER.

TG: nah the point is that im gonna sit your ass down and make you watch ice princess

TG: if we get shit done on the english thing its an added bonus

TG: hey brb kans messaging me

 

You switch windows, clicking Kanaya's flashing icon and whistling. Damn that girl writes a lot. You lean on your elbow, scrolling to the top of her messages.

 

GA: Dave I Need To Speak With You

GA: It Is Quite Urgent

GA: Dave Please Answer My Messages I Am Kind Of "Freaking The Fuck Out" As You So Aptly Put It

GA: Okay That Was A Bit Of An Understatement I Am Definitely Totally Freaking Out

GA: Dave?

GA: Look Just

GA: Please Respond As Quickly As You Can

GA: It's About Rose

 

Your mouth goes dry. No, actually, your mouth went dry somewhere around "I need to speak with you." Now, it's a fucking desert. You lean forward, typing rapidly.

 

TG: yo kanaya whats goin on is everything okay

GA: No

GA: Yes?

GA: I Don't Know

TG: okay well before you panic

TG: because thats not what we wanna do here okay

TG: why dont you tell me whats got you all riled up

GA: Well

GA: I Was At Rose's House

TG: yeah

GA: And We Were In Her Room

GA: She Had To Go Downstairs And Her Computer Made A Noise And

GA: I Didn't Mean To Snoop But

GA: Oh, I Suppose I Shouldn't Have Looked

GA: Anyway I Went To Check It And It Was This

GA: This Boy

GA: Messaging Her

GA: Dave I Think I Am Panicking

TG: whoa okay slow down

TG: rose is messaging a boy?

TG: like, in a straight way?

GA: Oh God No Don't Be Ridiculous

TG: okay phew i was worried there for a sec

TG: anyway continue

TG: boy messaging rose

GA: Oh, Yes

GA: Well, He Was

GA: He Was Not Being Particularly Pleasant

GA: So I Told Him To

GA: Well I Don't Suppose I Was Very Pleasant Either

TG: aw the poor kid

GA: Yes I Am Sure He Was Devastated By My Cutting Remarks

GA: But I Am More Concerned With His Than Mine

GA: Have You

GA: Have You Noticed Any Changes In Rose Recently

GA: Regarding Her Diet

 

You hesitate, your fingers hovering over the keyboard.

 

TG: uh

TG: nah not really? shes been eating more veggies right

GA: Dave, I Am Concerned That This Boy Might Be Encouraging Her Dieting

TG: well i mean

TG: people do that

TG: its like a motivation thing right

GA: That Is Not The Kind Of Thing This Is

TG: what kind of a thing is it, then?

 

There's a pause, and you watch her typing for what feels like forever. When she finally responds, you're expecting a paragraph. Instead, you get what feels like a punch to the gut.

 

GA: Dave I Think Rose May Be Developing An Eating Disorder

 

You stop, read it again. And again. Then one more time. You take a deep breath.

 

TG: wow

TG: thats uh

TG: thats a pretty hefty accusation there

GA: It Is Not An Accusation, Merely A Hypothesis Based On Observation

GA: If It Is True, Then Rose Is Very Sick

TG: well yeah but like you said its only a theory

TG: hypothesis, whatever

TG: either way youre not sure

GA: I Am Fairly Certain

GA: I Went On The Boy's Blog

TG: blog?

GA: Yes He Seems To Run A Blog Of Somewhat Questionable Content And Quality

GA: I Am Sure You Would Be Very Critical Of His Theme

GA: The Font Is Quite Hard To Read

TG: well now i gotta kick his ass for sure

TG: fuckin around with rose AND a shitty theme damn

TG: hes digging his own grave at this point

GA: Yes He Is Almost Certainly Digging Away Over There In Massachusetts

TG: wait masachussetts

TG: who said anything about massachuesets

GA: That Is Where His Description Says He Is From

TG: oh

TG: coincidentally i know a chick from massatwoshits

TG: whats this kids name again?

GA: I Believe He Goes By Eri But I Do Not Know If That Is His Real Name Or A Pseudonym

TG: oh

 

You sit back in your chair, rubbing your eyes with the heel of your hand. Shit. _Shit_. You know this kid, he and the Spinneret bitch are always on each others asses about the most nitpicky bullshit and you should have known, should have kept Rose from ever even looking at those blogs, you knew they were bad news-

A little voice in the back of your head that sounds suspiciously like your own snorts derisively. _You're on them every day_ , it says, _who are you to tell Rose what to do? Hypocrite._

"S'different," you mumble, leaning forward to respond to Kanaya.

 

GA: Regardless I Think Perhaps We Need To Have An Intervention Of Sorts

GA: I... I Love Her, You Know That

TG: gayyyy

TG: but yeah i know yall are like two little lesbian bird moms

GA: Um

GA: Bird Moms?

TG: yeah me and karkat are the chicks obviously

TG: chicks like baby birds not like girls

TG: clearly not those kinds of chicks

GA: Dave I Think Given Your Feelings Towards Karkat Perhaps You Should Refrain From Referring To Him As Your Brother?

GA: Even In A Metaphorical, Birdy Sense

TG: shit dawg does everyone know im gay for this kid

TG: wtf

GA: You Are Not Very Subtle About It

GA: In Fact I Seem To Remember At Lunch Yesterday That You Outright Said You Had "the gayest of dokis" In Your "queer little kokoro" For Him

GA: I May Have Misheard You

TG: oh nah thats

TG: thats definitely a thing i said

GA: Yes

GA: You Certainly Did Say The Thing

GA: Right Directly To Him

GA: In Exactly That Manner

TG: ...

GA: I Am Simply Implying That Perhaps A More

GA: Poignant

GA: Confession Could Benefit Your Relationship?

TG: okay well first off maybe slow your roll bc kitkat and i aint got a relationship

GA: ......

TG: what

 GA: ...........

TG: whaaaaaat

GA: Kitkat?

TG: ...oh fuck

GA: Dave

GA: It Pains Me To Say This

GA: But I Think You Are Gayer Than Rose Is

TG: wow okay no you can stop right there miss prissypants

TG: i am DEFINITELY gayer than rose

GA: Hm. I Think That Is A Disputable Claim, Considering That You Are A Boy Who Likes Girls

TG: yeah okay but I'm a boy with a vagina

TG: who likes

TG: well, everyone

GA: I Do Not Think That Qualifies You As The Supreme Gay

GA: If Anything I Would Be Supreme Since I Am The Only One Who Is Exclusively Attracted To My Own Gender

GA: You And Rose Are Both Technically Not Gay

TG: wow is this really what youre doing right now making a grab for my gay crown

GA: I Thought We Had Established Months Ago That It Was More Of A Tiara

TG: whatever

TG: hey listen i gotta go karkats messaging me

GA: Of Course

GA: Before You Go Though

GA: What Do We Do About Rose?

 

You pause, chewing your lip.

 

TG: idk

TG: maybe watch this shit play out? i dont wanna jump to any conclusions shit makes my legs tired

TG: and this is a big ol jump yknow

GA: Yes I Suppose It Is

GA: I Just Worry

TG: yeah i know the feeling

TG: we can keep an eye on her and take whatever actions gotta get took later aight?

GA: Yes That Sounds Like A Plan

GA: Thank You

TG: no problem

 

You close the chat window, taking a deep breath.

You're gonna fix this.

**Author's Note:**

> So I kind of want to continue this and make it a multi chaptered Davekat fic but I never do anything but oneshots so that maybe might not happen but! I'm going to try  
> This is kind of draining to work on for obvious reasons but it's a coping method I g uess  
> anyway its going to be  
> sporadic probably  
> also yes all the titles are ballet stuff hush its an inside joke  
> with myself


End file.
